Surrounded by Sadness

It seems like so many people around me are suffering right now. We have our own little problems, but they seem small compared to everyone else. BigGuy was laid off, but thankfully got a job with his old company. So we've had a tight month, but it seems like no big deal.

My friend (mom to Princess, Stinky and Peas... I really need to give her a nickname) just had her beautiful baby, Pixie, but she has to stay in the NICU for a while. She also just found out Pixie needs to be under the bilirubin light. The other day, their dog Ali ran away from home. They drove around looking for her, and reported her missing to the police. Unfortunately, someone had hit Ali with their car. She was found on the side of the road. Can you imagine explaining to three young children that their dog died? It was awful. I went to see if I could help in any way. When I walked in the door, Princess wailed, "Ali was killed by a car!" My heart crumpled. I just hugged her, and wished I could bring their dog back. I can't imagine how hard it was for her mom.

A family that I used to go to school with had a daughter who was disabled.... could not walk or talk. She recently contracted double pneumonia, and Swine flu. She passed away this week. One of her sisters said "she's finally able to walk and talk in heaven."

There's just so much sadness. I wish I could wrap my arms around everyone and make it better.

Let me introduce you to our daughter... Mirena.

Today BigGuy and I were joking that perhaps we should give Bean the nickname Mirena. Lord knows she's much more effective at preventing pregnancy than any other birth control method we've tried. Although she has a negative influence on my hormonal shifts, and has definitely caused weight gain.

Bean has the most sensitive Romance Detector I've ever seen. She can be on the other side of the house, and if BigGuy gets a sparkle in his eye she instantly appears and needs attention.

Squish is learning from her big sister, and will now protest loudly at the sight of us snuggling without her. Apparently she doesn't plan on giving up her place as the baby of the family any time soon.

So when someone ever-so-delicately asks what method of birth control we use, would it be a bad thing to say, "my children"?

When are you having another?

Let's talk about this ladies. Pretty much from the moment Squish slid out, we've been getting this question. Part of me takes it as a compliment... that people like our children enough to want us to keep reproducing. But part of me wants to tell them we'll have another when they can pay for its college education. I usually settle for a much more friendly and enigmatic "well, we'll see."

I love my girls. They make me so happy, and I'm proud of the little people they are becoming. There's not a day that goes by that I don't get some sweet snuggle time with Squish, and hear Bean tell me she loves me.

But some days I would trade them in for a new Corvette and 5 minutes of peace. I may or may not have recently chased BigGuy with a pair of scissors and demanded that he drop his pants so we could make SURE we wouldn't have any more children. Does this change when you add to the brood? Does it get worse? Or do you just adjust to a new level of crazy?

I watch my friends with 4+ children, and it scares me. All of them are in dire need of a long massage and a dinner where they don't have to cut anyone's food. I also don't want to be an old mom. I envision myself at 50, still covered in spit-up and finger paints, still spelling the words I don't want to hear repeated in front of my mother.

I recently had a stranger compliment my girls' behavior in a store. I had one of those brief shining moments where you feel like all your hard work has paid off. I felt a uterine twinge as I contemplated whether we should grace the world with another one of our stellar children. And then, with a sigh, I pulled Bean's finger from her nose, and reminded Squish AGAIN not to chew on the shopping cart. Maybe we'll get another dog.