I just need a break.

I've spent the last 2 weeks in severe pain. Have been to multiple doctors, even the ER, and no one seems to know what's causing it. We're trying to decide if we need another ER visit tonight. My doctor's out of town on vacation, and I'm not sure I can stand the pain until he gets back.

I'm just so tired of being in pain. And what are these doctors thinking when they tell me to rest? I have two kids for pete's sake.

Reminders...

Do you ever get hit with a slew of reminders about something or someone? This most often happens with memories of my brother, who I lost in 2003. I'll be driving along, and see something with his initials, and then the song from his funeral will play. Or I'll hear a song from his favorite band, and someone will walk by with his cologne.

Today this happened with memories from our first miscarriage. I happened to be thinking about how we were done with babies, although a part of me will always be sad we didn't have a son. Bean piped up with a question about whether she would see her little brother or sister in heaven... "the one that was in your belly, but went right to heaven." I thought it odd that her thought pattern was so close to mine. Right after that, the song came on the radio that carried me through that miscarriage. The words spoke to my heart and comforted me so deeply at that time.

So I wonder why these little batches of reminders happen. Is it a part of the heart healing? Is it God's reminder that he got you through the rough times?

Catching Up

Well it's been a while. A long while. Life has been busy, blah blah blah. After our first miscarriage, I kind of lost the desire to blog. We decided we were done having kids, so I took my brave husband for that appointment all men fear. The SNIP. The next few days were spent with him alternating bags of frozen peas ... poor thing!

Well, in all that paperwork, they tell you to use a backup method of birth control in the first few months after the procedure. Did we listen? Noooo. Did we get pregnant again? You bet. Unfortunately, we lost yet another little one. Thankfully we've not had to suffer that heartache again.

So I've taken the time to throw myself into my work. It's paid off with a much better year business-wise. But reading a friend's blog made me realize it's been a long time since I sat down and put my thoughts into words. So I may be scattered for a while as I get back into the swing of things. Be patient with me.

Inane Children's Shows

Why do children's programmers assume their shows need to be sugary and inane to keep a kid's imagination? It's for this reason that the entire Barney dynasty is banned from my house. Purple dinosaurs rank up there with Chris Farley on my annoyance spectrum.

By far the worst offenders are Christian children's shows. Having worked for a Christian publisher, I saw more poorly-produced shows than I'd like to admit. Cheesy accents, enormous mis-matched mustaches, over-pronounced words, and perky songs about nothing. Throw in a puppet and you've got yourself a best-seller.

The only Christian children's show I can bear to sit through is Veggie Tales. Smartly written, there are often jokes aimed just at the parents. It's obviously still geared towards kids, but it's not nearly as obnoxious as other offerings. Kids can learn from shows without hyper-color cheesiness. Don't insult their intelligence.

Mis-Pronouncifications

I'm an admitted grammar geek. I spend all day correcting the grammar and pronunciation of my two kids. Bean has a fairly extensive vocabulary... she recently told me she had a hypothesis about something (and used it correctly!). But some of her pronunciations are just too cute to fix.

A Guide to Bean's Language:

Old McDonald's = McDonalds. As in, "Old McDonald HAD a farm. But he got sick of all the animals, and now he has a restaurant."

Pasketti = Spaghetti. A fairly common one.

Hosdibull = Hospital. My mom was in the hospital recently, so this word has had a bit more use lately.

I know there are more I can't think of right now. It makes me sad to think she'll outgrow this one day!

Mr. Cellophane....

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel invisible?

As a mom, I feel like I exist solely to feed my hungry children, change Squish's diapers, and keep them from killing each other. As a wife, I'm supposed to have a hot dinner ready each night, and keep the house relatively clean. As a business owner, I am supposed to keep my clients happy, no matter what's going on in my life.

But sometimes I feel like no one really SEES me.

Sometimes I feel like I put all the effort into my relationships. That if I stopped communicating, they wouldn't really notice. I send text messages that never get responses. Repeatedly ask questions that would take 30 seconds to answer... but never get an answer. Try to make appointments with no luck.

Sometimes I expect to look in the mirror and see no one there.

Just Because It's Not a Law, Doesn't Make it OK.

They recently made it a law that you can't send text messages while driving. I think it's a good law, since common sense no longer prevails in our society. Not to mention the nearly illegible texts I was getting from a certain friend of mine. But it did make me wonder what other activities they'll outlaw while driving...

- No lighting cigarettes

- No changing the radio station

- No telling stories about your crazy mother-in-law

- No reaching around behind you to grab the leg of the kid who's been kicking.kicking.kicking your chair for the last 17.5 miles

I'll admit to being guilty of doing things while driving that aren't entirely necessary. Usually I'll wait till a stoplight... especially if it's something I should concentrate on, like applying mascara. But I've seen people do some pretty gross things while driving. Dear people... do you not realize that the same technology that allows you to see OUT your windows, lets us see IN them?

We've all seen other drivers pick their noses. I've also seen people floss their teeth, brush their teeth, curl their hair with a curling iron, shave their beards, and apply various forms of makeup. But by far the oddest thing I've seen was a woman who was Ped-Egging her feet while driving! Distraction aside, can you imagine the mess that made in her car?

What's next, bikini waxes?

Don't Bite Your Friends

Recently, while at a friend's house, the kids were watching Yo Gabba Gabba. Can we talk about this show? Clearly the creators were on some very special, very illegal medications while coming up with this stuff. I never did LSD, but it's what I'd imagine an LSD trip would be like.

First we have the guy in the furry orange outfit. Is he a bandleader? A conductor? The exotic uncle you hope doesn't come to the family reunion?

And then there's the giant dancing sex toy. You can't tell me the adults on the show didn't look at that thing and say "Hm... phallic shape, little bumps.... yeah let's put it on and see if the parents giggle."

But the thing that really amused me was the song they were singing; the chorus of which was "Don't bite your friends." I mean, don't get me wrong... I don't want my kids biting anyone. But doesn't this seem like an odd thing to write a song about? What's next, "Don't play with your poop"? Although as the mom of a 2-year-old who's currently obsessed with all things potty, this might be a good idea.

I think they need to make more Captain Obvious songs for adults. "Don't flick off another driver when you did the bad thing" would be a good one. "Muffin Tops and Camel Toes are not attractive" would be another interesting song. Or "Don't complain about your weight while eating a gallon of ice cream." Hmm. This could be fun.

Where's My Helmet?

Having a two-year-old is kind of like having an angry NFL linebacker on steroids in a 30-lb body. Except you don't get the benefit of a helmet and pads.

Squish will get so filled with rage, she does this little dance... which I've aptly named the Rage Dance. She stands in place and waves her arms and stomps her feet and makes a sound like a volcano about to erupt. Why so much anger? Because I wouldn't let her have another bag of fruit snacks. Or Bean looked at her. Or the dog was within 2 miles of her while she was eating. At the height of her frustration, she refuses to talk, which just exacerbates the situation. So I'm trying to teach her to take a deep breath and "use her words." Right now she categorizes every problem as "WANT!!!" or "DON'T WANT!!!" Which is just so helpful.

Everything pisses her off right now. The wind blows her hair, and she's mad. The TV's too loud/too quiet/not a show she likes... and she's mad. Her juice has too much water in it (I'm a 50/50 water-downer), and she turns green and rips her shirt off.

I'm convinced children get PMS. I don't care what they say about hormones not kicking in for several years yet. MINE GETS PMS. And oddly enough, the cure is the same. A little chocolate, a bubble bath, and as little contact with other humans as possible.

After spending all day with my little tyrant, I have to remember to use my manners. When my adult friend is slow walking to the car, I should probably refrain from shrieking "CAR! NOW!" And when I go get a much-deserved coffee, I may not want to stomp my feet and holler "WANT LATTE! WANT LATTE!" and then dissolve into tears on the floor of Starbucks.

Although, who knows... maybe they'd throw in a free biscotti.

They're Not Crazy... They're Moms

You know those people you see walking along the sidewalk, muttering to themselves? They're not crazy. They're moms. Only moms deal with apparently deaf people who are hell-bent on doing what they want, no matter what the consequences. It's enough to make you shuffle along a sidewalk and argue with yourself.

Right now I'm dealing with a tyrant of a 2 year old. I spend every day locked in a battle of the wills. I think I'm winning. But I will let you know for sure when I see what nursing home they finally put me in. Today it was over whether or not she was going to eat breakfast. I tried begging, teasing, bargaining, making it fun, guilt trips (hey, I was raised Catholic... I can guilt trip with the best of them)... and finally decided that with the amount of chub my little Squish has been blessed with, she will not starve any time soon.

Bean seems to be suffering from hearing loss. I literally screamed "SOCKS! SOCKS! SOCKS!" for about 2 minutes straight this morning in a pathetic attempt to get her to school on time. Just once I would like her to look like she's not a third world poster child. For 35 cents a day, you can give this poor child socks!

I'm fairly certain NONE of my other jobs were this hard. I don't remember having to work this hard to get a report out of a manager. "Come on, Mr. Brown.... who's my favorite manager? Give me the report and I'll let you take a long lunch!" Or yelling at my staff when I needed their articles for a deadline... "ARTICLE! ARTICLE! ARTICLE!"

I need a paid leave of absence.