You want me to do WHAT now?

Recently a good friend of mine talked me into taking an introductory dance class. No big deal right? I love to dance. Except that this particular dance style involves a pole. This is one of those times I'm glad most of you don't know who I am in real life.

I would consider myself to be a sensual person, but due to my strict conservative upbringing, I usually keep it hidden from the general population. It's between me and my darling husband. Women on poles are generally considered sluts, in my social circles. So to willingly put myself on a pole was not natural for me. Even if it IS for exercise. Apparently there is this whole world of pole dancing for exercise that has nothing to do with stripping. They even have championship competitions.

As we nervously arrived at the studio, I soaked in the beautiful feminine decor, and tried to relax. A few whoops and catcalls from the next room startled me, and my friend and I eyed each other, wondering what to expect. The owner asked if we'd like to watch the class that was graduating, so we could see some of what we'd be learning. We nodded, and followed her into the dance studio.

Now, you have to understand, my experience with pole dancing is limited to Susan's performance on Desperate Housewives a couple of weeks ago. I have never been to a strip club, or seen anyone dance like that in real life. So I felt a strange mix of awe and embarrassment as these women moved sensually and acrobatically around the poles. There was no shyness on their parts... they loved what they were doing. It was an art form, the way they flipped around and balanced perfectly. I was most impressed with a bigger girl who danced with abandon, loving her curves and showing her confidence.

Thankfully, our introduction class was limited to two trainers, and my friend and I. In the darkened room, we did some stretching, and just paid attention to ourselves. It was odd for me to spend so much focusing on myself. I recalled the paperwork we signed when we arrived, that said no negative body talk was allowed. It was safe here. I didn't have to hold in my fat rolls, or worry about my crooked smile. No one was looking at me and judging. It was very freeing.

After one of the toughest core workouts I've EVER had, we moved to the poles. It was a learning experience for both my friend and I, as we both tend to over-think things. The instructor told us to just relax and not think.... just spin and have fun. Once I was able to turn my brain off, I actually enjoyed it and did it "right". I felt sexy and strong. And MAN was I sore the next day! I think what I took away from it the most is the attitude there. That as women, we deserve to take time to feel sexy and important. That we need to feed into ourselves in order to have the energy to give back to our families.

So will I be working the pole as a part-time job? Definitely not. But I have a lot more respect for how much skill and strength it takes! I signed up for the class, and I'm excited to see how it improves both my body and my self-esteem. I've decided this is the year to stretch out of my comfort zone, and try things I would never usually try. I can only hope to grow as a person because of it.

Lack of Communication

I consider myself to be a fairly down-to-earth person. I don't think I'm too hard to talk to, and I'm pretty understanding. So I get frustrated when friends of mine don't communicate. Such has been the case with a friend who I've known for several years. All of a sudden, she won't acknowledge me.

It started a few months ago when she started becoming friends with the group I not-so-fondly call the Mommy Nazis. I was worried they would change her. She knew how much I hate them, but she likes to be friendly with everyone. So we stayed friends, but I felt myself guarding what I said, for fear it would make its way back to my enemies.

Recently I completely forgot we had an appointment. She texted me to see if we were still getting together, and I realized I had forgotten our date. I apologized profusely, and even made an effort to cancel the plans I was in the middle of to meet her. She said it was no big deal. But apparently it was a big deal. Now things are strange, and I have the feeling she's walking away from our friendship. We had plans for her to work with me as a client (as she has many times in the past), and now she's cancelled that.

Is it strange of me to think that a friend should cut you more slack than this? I know if one of my girlfriends forgot an appointment with me, I would feel frustrated but not make a big issue out of it. It's hard not to blame the women who've made my life a living hell. But I am sad to think she would be that easily swayed.

I am a communicator. I like to resolve issues quickly, and can't stand to have things unexplained. If one of my friends doesn't seem to be talking much, I get concerned that they're upset with me, etc. I like to have peace in my relationships.

She is non-confrontational. I don't know how to address this, without things getting more uncomfortable. Sometimes I hate being a girl.

"Vacationing" with children

Last weekend, we went to Galena, IL with some good friends of ours. We had our two kids, and their 4 kids... all ages 5 and under. After reaching a point of extreme frustration with our husbands, my friend and I realized the problem. Vacationing with kids is no vacation for us moms. It's our lives... just in a different location. We still had to wake up, take care of the kids, cook, clean, do laundry... how was this relaxing?

So next time I think we're going to bring a babysitter. If we plan on relaxing, anyways. :)

We did get two good hours to relax and not be "Mama". We went to the delightful Galena Beads, and got to each make bracelets. We had wine and chocolate, and had a wonderful time. I think I may have a new hobby!

Birth is so much more beautiful when I'm not the one pushing...

One of my best friends just had her beautiful baby girl. She asked me to be there with her during labor, to support her and to take pictures. It was the first birth I've ever attended where I wasn't the one delivering. I was so moved by the tenderness between her and her husband, and the way they communicated without words. Now, this is a man who normally pisses off his wife on a daily... no hourly... basis. But he gently rubbed her back, and held her hand, and patted her hair. He kissed her forehead, and told her she was doing a great job.

It took me back to my labors. BigGuy is amazing during labor... does all the right things. He's supportive, and encouraging, and loving. I'm so blessed to have him, and I tell him that all the time.

When she was exhausted, she asked for an epidural. Her doula and husband reminded her that she hadn't wanted to do an epidural. I'm fairly certain flames shot out of her eyes as she told them in no uncertain terms that she WAS getting an epidural. So Dr. Epidural was called in rather quickly, since she was dilated to 6. As soon as he walked into the room, she yelled, "We're not doing the epidural!" She was officially in transition.

Things happened quickly after that. Lights went on, the room filled with doctors, and the baby warmer was ready to go. As I stood at the head of the bed, encouraging her as best I could, I snapped the first pictures of her little Pixie. And I cried. I didn't even cry for my daughters' births because I was so exhausted and caught up in the moment. But being there, to see this beautiful little girl come into the world... it was just so amazing.

I've struggled for a while with the way my labors went. They weren't at all what I expected. But being there with my friend, with her husband and doula gently supporting her, I saw what birth could be like. It was natural and non-clinical... surrounded by people who love her. I hope I can have a delivery like that some day.